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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27734938">Here Again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwontgiveuponyou/pseuds/Iwontgiveuponyou'>Iwontgiveuponyou</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Blacklist (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Season 8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 18:40:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,398</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27734938</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwontgiveuponyou/pseuds/Iwontgiveuponyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Post 8x02.  Liz has to face the choices she made, as well as her guilt and Ressler is there to be her rock through it.  Mostly Keenler angst/comfort but also friendship with other members of the task force.  Hopefully wanna make this multi chapter if people are interested!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Elizabeth Keen &amp; Donald Ressler, Elizabeth Keen/Donald Ressler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Undone</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hi, if you're actually reading this that's super cool :) Would love some pointers/tips but its my first fic so bear with me.  Can't cope with waiting till Jan 22 for more Keenler so imma just make it myself.  Happy reading!</p>
<p>P.S. my grammar is horrendous I'm so sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Park could see the fretful look on her partners face as Ressler brought the SUV to an abrupt stop. Slowly she followed his pained gazed and watched the small figure collapse to her knees as sobs wracked her body.  Before she could even get her seatbelt off, Ressler was sprinting towards Liz.</p>
<p>“Liz!” he shouted frantically, worried she had been injured.  His usual calm and collected demeanor were long gone; Park had never seen him so distraught. </p>
<p>“She’s gone, he- My mother she’s” Ressler fell to his knees beside her wrapping his arms around her gently.  His hand found her hair, and he ran his fingers through it gently, attempting to soothe her.  Words didn’t need to be spoken.  Ressler didn’t know what there was to say.  He knew was he wanted to make the tears stop and the pain go away, but he knew he couldn’t.  He couldn’t bring her mother back.  </p>
<p>Park watched from the corner of her eye and tried to usher the incoming reinforcements away, while Ressler may be distraught, Liz was undone.  Agent Keen was cunning, calculated, and always a step ahead of everyone; she never broke under pressure and if anything, she thrived off of it. But Special Agent Keen was gone, and a heartbroken girl took her place, defeated and flooded with guilt.  </p>
<p>“Liz I know, I know but we gotta get you out of here.” Ressler tried desperately to pull Liz to her feet, but she only continued to break more.  </p>
<p>“I don’t care! He wins, let them arrest me I don’t care-“she had more to say but all that came out were sobs as she clung to Ressler, desperate to keep hold to something in her life. The waves of anger finally caught up to Ressler; Liz was safe and now he could feel the resentment, the hatred towards the man who broke her.  He had already taken so much from Liz but this was it, this was her breaking point.  Her dad, husband, grandfather, and mother were dead.  She knew in her heart she could probably never be an agent again; she lost the only father figure in her life, Reddington, and then there was Agnes.  Ressler looked out at all the cop cars that had now arrived. They had been told Liz was a suspect, and he needed to get her out of here before she was recognized.  Softly he pleaded with her again and tried to lift her up gently.  “Ressler I said I’m done! I give up!” She screamed and pushed him away getting up, the sudden desire, no the need to run far from everything.  Liz had caught the attention of onlookers and the chief of the local PD started towards Liz, but Park quickly stopped him.  </p>
<p>“That’s the agent they put a BOLO out for, that the FBI put a BOLO out for, we have to arrest her”</p>
<p>“Just give her a minute, give them a minute” Park pleaded with the officer and looked back at the partners hoping Ressler could somehow sweep her away undetected.  </p>
<p>“Look I know she’s part of your task force, but I’m not risking my job.” He pushed past Park and she looked back at Ressler desperately.  He wanted so badly to tell Liz to run, hell he wanted to run with her.  As he turned back to Liz, now fear in her eyes as she realized she what was happening, his heart melted.  He was in love with her, he had been for years.  He wanted to fix it all, take the pain away; he would do anything in the world for her.  But he knew what he had to do, running would make it worse, and he had to think ahead.   </p>
<p>“Ress” she whimpered her eyes full of tears.  Everything was falling apart. Reddington had ruined everything, no she ruined everything, she thought, and had no idea how to fix it.  But Ressler would, and he would protect her. He always knew how to fix things. An officer was walking towards her and through the fog of everything she could faintly hear him asking her to come quietly, to not make a scene.   All Liz could focus on however was the one anchor in her life, her island of calm among the raging storm.</p>
<p>“Ress please” she sniffled, moving a step towards him, but he wouldn’t look at her.  As she peered up at his warm face, his soft lips she remembered kissing just the night before,he had that look on his face, the same one he did all those years ago. Panic set in quick, she knew what it meant, she knew what he was about to do, and she tried take off into the park.  Ressler however was too quick, and swiftly he grabbed her arm.  </p>
<p>“Let me handle this” Ressler said gruffly to the officer.  It wasn’t a question; it was almost threatening, and the officer quickly backed off.  Liz tried to get out of Ressler’s grip, but she was exhausted, and he held her firmly.  “Liz stop, stop please” he begged but all he got in return was a sob that broke his heart.  Giving up she turned so her back was to him and let him put the handcuffs on her wrists.  With a sigh he held her arm gently and led her to the SUV as Park followed slowly behind.  Ressler helped Liz into the backseat and as he pulled her seatbelt on her, they locked eyes.  “I’m sorry” he said so softly she could barely hear; so desperate to convey to her how much he meant it, and how much he didn’t want to do this. She just stared at him, exhausted and out of words, so hurt and betrayed, by Reddington, by him, by everyone.  She never thought it would end up like this, that she would be here again, arrested by the one she loved like a wild animal that couldn’t be trusted.  </p>
<p>Somehow amidst all the chaos, all the hurt, she was staring at his lips again, the same way she did before she kissed him.  It made Ressler’s heart melt all over, and he sighed gently.  He thought about leaning in, but he could hear Park coming up behind them.  He went to wipe her tears instead, but as his thumb just barely grazed her cheek, she flinched away.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Safe Arms</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hiii, I really wasn't expecting anyone to read this let alone like it, so thanks so much for the support! I'm in the middle of exams right now but I'll try to update as much as possible.  This chapter is really short but I just wanted to post something.  Wow I'm still just shocked people actually read this, thank you!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ressler sighed looking at Liz but was brought back to reality by Parks voice.</p><p>“All ready?” She asked gently, hoping she wasn’t interrupting anything.  “I’ll drive, you keep her company” He just nodded and swallowed back his feelings, or at least tried to as he shut, or rather slammed Liz’s door just a bit too hard.  There were so many feelings. He was pissed at Reddington, pissed at himself, pissed he had to arrest Keen, and most importantly just pissed because she was upset.  He walked around the car getting in the other side and slid into the backseat beside Liz.  She peered over at him a little on edge.  Ressler rarely lost his temper, and even less often at her.  She knew he didn’t want to do this, and that he was hurting too.  All she could think about was the kiss, how he must think she played him, how he had no idea how much she truly cared for him.  As Park drove off, she turned the radio on, and a quiet silence fell between the three.  </p><p>They were about thirty minutes from the Post Office, longer with the rush hour traffic.  Ressler had put the handcuffs on a little too tight, and Liz shifted uncomfortably.  Ressler quickly noticed and cursed under his breath. </p><p>“Come here” he said not nearly as softly as he meant to, snapping her out of her daze.  She looked at him with those sad eyes.  The same ones as in the car earlier that day when she begged him to help Dom, begged him to break the rules for her. He should have just fucking listened.  He moved towards her a little and she stiffened.  “I’m not gonna hurt you” his words pulled her out of her daze again and she looked at him confused, eyebrows furrowed.  She knew he would never hurt her, but she was a little weary.  He was clearly close to his breaking point and she wasn’t sure if she could handle him snapping at her right now.</p><p>“I know” she murmured softly and turned her back to him. He took her cuffs off gently and she mumbled a thank you as they locked eyes again.  She had the sleepy look she always did when they were on a plane home from a case, or when they stayed up too late looking over files.  Ressler recognized it instantly and it was like a softness fell over him as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Liz could feel the tiredness tugging on her eyelids, and she blinked sleepily watching him.  He stared back her. Slowly his thumb brushed her shoulder, and eventually Liz gave in; curled into his side and safe, she drifted off.</p><p>“Is she asleep” Park asked peering in the review mirror a few minutes later. Ressler just nodded. “What’s gonna happen to her? They can’t charge her right? It’s not her fault, she didn’t do anything, she’s clearly not okay” </p><p>“I don’t know Park” Ressler sighed.  “I don’t know.”</p><p>Twenty minutes had passed, and they drove into Ressler’s neighbourhood.  Softly so as not to wake Liz, he broke the silence. “She needs sleep.  Proper sleep.  I don’t know what will happen, but I think she deserves a night of peace before it all does.”  Park looked back in the mirror at him curiously.</p><p>“I agree but…what are you saying?”  </p><p>“Drop us off at my apartment.  I’ll watch her and bring her in tomorrow. She’s not gonna try anything. she needs to rest Park.” The partner chewed her lip.  It certainly wasn’t by the book, but he had a point.  She knew he could be trusted, and it was clear he just wanted the best for her.  Cooper would agree</p><p>“What’s your address?”  He sighed with relief, thanked her, and with that they turned towards his apartment.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry again that this is so short, I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. knucklehead</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi, I got excited and couldn't help but write more haha.  Hope you all are having a good day, and thanks for all the support!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As they reached his apartment, Ressler looked over at Liz sleeping peacefully and frowned a little.  Carefully he tried to get out of the car without waking her but as he removed himself from her side she stirred.</p><p>“Mmm where are we?” she mumbled peering past Ressler’s shoulder.  They were at his apartment building.  She looked back at him confused. </p><p>“I still have to take you in.  But one night of peace never hurt anyone.”  Her lips formed a cute little pout and she looked at him gratefully.  She opened her mouth to thank him, but no words came out.  “Shh I know” Ressler mumbled and ruffled her hair gently.  He was staring at her lips again and Liz shifted a little under his gaze suddenly all too aware of how badly she wanted to grab his stupid face and kiss him.</p><p>“Uhh just let me know if you guys need anything” Park spoke quietly, pulling both Liz and Ressler out of their bubble.</p><p>“Uh yeah for sure.  Thanks again Alina.” Ressler stumbled a little over his words as his cheeks reddened.  Park just smirked to herself, it was becoming increasingly obvious something had happened between them when they met in secret that Ressler had left out.  For the first couple months after joining the task force, Park had been quite confused about Liz and Ressler’s relationship.  Sure, partners were often close, but they were just a little too close, a little too touchy, and stared at each other just a little too often.  For the longest time she was sure they were together, but was surprised when Aram assured her that they were not.</p><p> After Ressler helping Liz out of the car, Park drove away, and they made their way into his building. </p><p>“Shit, Agnes.” Liz suddenly blurted out a little panicked.  “She stayed at a friend’s house last night, I was gonna pick her up once Katarina got away and take her to Tom’s mothers until things calmed down-“</p><p>“Keen relax” Ressler stopped, pulling her shoulders gently so she was facing him.  “I figured that was your plan, I picked her up this afternoon and took her to Scottie. She’s perfectly fine.” Liz sighed in relief.  He was always so good with Agnes, always so good with children, he would be a really good dad—quickly she pushed those thoughts away, she could not be thinking about that right now. </p><p>“Oh.” She murmured quietly, looking down. “I can’t believe I let myself get so distracted, I’m a terrible mother” They got into the elevator and she sighed.</p><p>“Hey.  Not true, you’re amazing.” They got to Ressler’s floor and she started down the hall, Ressler on her tail. “I’m serious, you’re incredible with her despite everything that’s been going on, Liz you’ve been through so much stop being so hard on yourself, Agnes is perfectly safe. Hey, look at me” Before they knew it, they had arrived at his door.  “Elizabeth” Her head snapped up; he had never called her that before.  She normally hated when people called her by her full name, but when he said it her heart skipped a beat. “You’re an amazing mother, you’re amazing…at everything.”  He was doing the cute thing when his words got all stumbly again.   </p><p>Liz leaned back against his door looking at him.  He swallowed nervously as he became aware of how close they were.  Girls never made him feel like this, but she was different; she made him nervous, made his heart race.  God he was so scared to screw it up.  This would be the moment to kiss her, he thought to himself, but he couldn’t move.  What if he was reading the whole situation wrong, what if she didn’t feel the same.  She was definitely staring at his lips though, right?</p><p>Liz chewed the inside of her cheek as she stared up at him.  He still hadn’t brought up the kiss; maybe he didn’t want it maybe he didn’t feel the same, but then why did he kiss her back? </p><p>“So are we ever gonna talk about it?” Liz asked quietly, slowly moving her gaze from his lips to his eyes.  He took a step closer to her.</p><p>“Talk about what?” </p><p>“You know what…the other night.”  She looked down.</p><p>“Mm when you pulled a gun on me?” She could hear the stupid smirk on his face before she even looked back up at him.</p><p>“Before that.”  </p><p>“when you asked me for a favour?” Liz sighed a little.  He didn’t want it; he didn’t want her, but she recovered quickly. </p><p>“Smartass” she grumbled grabbing the keys from his hand and unlocked his door pushing it open.  Ressler cursed himself internally; that was his chance and he missed it.  He knew she was trying to talk about their kiss, why was he avoiding it?  Maybe a part of him was still worried she only did it to grab his gun, that she didn’t actually feel the same way he did, but then why would she be trying to bring it up if it wasn’t real.  “You better have beer” she grumbled some more and walked into his apartment, b-lining it towards the fridge.</p><p>Come on knucklehead, Ressler thought to himself, now’s your chance, go get the damn girl.  </p><p>“Ah, you must mean when you kissed me.”  Liz spun around opening the beer in her hand, sipping it.</p><p>“And here I was thinking you were you were some hot shot FBI agent, sure took you a while to figure that one out knucklehead” She was playing a very convincing role for a girl whose stomach was doing backflips as he made his way over to her, grabbing the beer from her hand and taking a sip.</p><p>“But I got there eventually” He chuckled and looked down at her winking.  </p><p>“Did you just wink at me?” </p><p>“Yes, I’m very charming I know.” She giggled.  Elizabeth Keen giggled, and Ressler just smiled more.  “So, what about the kiss?”  The way he was looking at her, Liz thought she might melt right there.  Was this really happening?  Her heart was beating so fast she was worried he could hear it; they were so close.</p><p>Liz looked down for a second, then back up at Ressler.  “Well last time I kissed you; your turn” Ressler couldn’t help but smile as he grabbed her waist gently and leaned in as the doorbell went off, and startled them both back to reality.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Calm Before the Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry apparently I like slow burns, but hopefully this will make up for the teaser last chapter.  Thanks for the support, happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Are you expecting anyone?” Liz looked up at Ressler.  Slowly he removed his hand from her waist and took a step back, staring at the door.</p><p>“Uh no, I’m not..” The doorbell rang again followed by banging on the door.  The partners looked back at each other, unsure, and Ressler took his gun out of his holster.  “Just wait here.” He walked towards the door and Liz followed.  </p><p>“Donald, I need to speak to Elizabeth, is she there?”  The easily recognizable voice of Reddington sprung a burning in Liz’s throat, and she tried to push past Ressler to the door. </p><p>“I’m gonna kill him, how dare he thinks he can just waltz back into my life.” Ressler grabbed a hold of Liz. </p><p>“Liz let me talk to him, calm down.” </p><p>“Calm down? He killed my mother Ressler! I hate him. I hate you! She screamed out at Reddington and fought her way out of Ressler’s arms, ripping open the door. She tried to lunge at Reddington but was pinned against the wall in the hallway by his bodyguard.  “Where’s Dembe? Did you kill him too because I got away from him, because you don’t have him under your iron fist anymore, because you can’t control him?”  Ressler glared at the bodyguard pointing his gun at him.</p><p>“Hey pal, back off.” He warned, trying to keep his composure.  </p><p>“Donald, relax.  Elizabeth, please let me explain.”</p><p>“Explain what? I told you, we’re done, I hate you.  You won’t get away with this I’m gonna hunt you down.  I am so sick of you telling me what to do and controlling my life!” She tried to go at Reddington again, but the bodyguard slammed her back into the wall.   Ressler snapped and quickly pulled the guy off Liz, putting him into a headlock.  </p><p>“I told you to back the fuck off” He threatened between gritted teeth and Reddington pulled his gun out.  </p><p>“Donald let him go”. Ressler glared at Reddington. “I see you’ve let her take advantage of you again”. Ressler clenched his teeth, blood boiling.  Liz leaned back against the wall blinking slowly, feeling a little nauseous and dizzy. “Lizzy” Reddington looked at her worriedly.  Ressler looked at Liz then back to Reddington, and shoved the bodyguard towards him.</p><p>“Get the hell out of here before I arrest you both” He warned. Reddington went to argue but eventually sighed and turned down the hall.  </p><p>Ressler grabbed Liz’s hand pulling her inside and slammed the door; she flinched. Liz had seen him angry before, but not like this.  </p><p>“Ressler I’m okay.”</p><p>“Who the hell does he think he his showing up here?” </p><p>“Ressler” Liz pleaded</p><p>“And who does that other guy think he is, manhandling you like that?”</p><p>“Ressler please” she mumbled holding the back of her head.  Ressler looked at her. </p><p>“Keen what’s wrong” He stepped towards her.</p><p>“Nothing its fine.”</p><p>“Let me see” He moved her hand gently and looked at the back of her head to see blood trickling down her neck.  “Jesus Keen” </p><p>“I think there was a nail in the wall where he rudely slammed my head against.  I’m okay.”  She tried to joke and smile, but Ressler was getting visibly angrier as he pulled her into the bathroom.  “Ressler” she sighed.</p><p>“Shut up and let me see.” He pulled her under the light looking at the small gash at the base of her skull.  He cursed himself for not noticing sooner, or for letting it happen at all for the matter.</p><p>“We should go back to the kissing part” </p><p>“Keen!” Liz looked down.  Ressler grabbed a first aid kit from the cabinet and started wiping the blood gently.  He sighed a little and chewed his lip; he didn’t mean to yell at her.</p><p>“Are you mad at me?” </p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Then why are you being an ass?” </p><p>“Because I’m pissed because you’re hurt and upset.” He sighed. “I’m sorry. Can I clean this up now please? Liz nodded and sat up on the sink counter looking at him.  </p><p>“I’m okay, it’s not a deep cut, it just hurts a little and I was a bit dizzy from getting my head bashed around.”</p><p>“I know.” They locked eyes for a moment before Liz turned her head and Ressler continued to clean the cut gently.</p><p>“Why were you avoiding talking about the kiss?” Liz broke the silence after a few minutes.  Ressler thought for a couple seconds.  He didn’t know if he should make it into a joke again, or if he should tell her the truth; tell her about his feelings for her as if they were blatantly obvious from the way he reacted to her getting hurt.</p><p>“Because as long as we don’t talk about it, I can pretend that it was real.” He finished up and put a butterfly stitch on the cut before covering it with a bandage.</p><p>“It was real” Liz looked at him, but he avoided her gaze.</p><p>“Was it?”</p><p>“Yes.  Ressler, come on” He met her eyes.</p><p>“Come on what? You say all these things and you kiss me, and then you pull a gun on me.  You just needed to get close enough to take it.”</p><p>“That’s not true.” Ressler sighed ignoring her and turned to walk out of the bathroom.” </p><p>“Don” Liz breathed quietly, hopping down from the counter.  She had never called him that before; he stopped in the doorway and turned to face her.  “Ress I--” Come on Liz she thought to herself, tell him how you love him.  How you’ve been in love with him for the past two years.  He took a couple steps towards her.</p><p>“You what Liz?” She looked down.</p><p>“You know what.  What I wanted to say to you when we got back from Detroit, what I wanted to say every time you’ve saved my ass.” She poked his chest gently and looked up meeting his soft gaze again.  He really was her tiny island of calm.  Her whole world was falling apart, hell she could be getting charged with kidnapping, but all she wanted right now was for him to kiss her and hold her, be her calm before the terrifying storm that tomorrow would be.  </p><p>He stared at her face a couple seconds, studying it.  Her very soft looking lips, her pleading eyes that he could never say no to.  He didn’t know what this was or what it would become, but he couldn’t keep pretending he didn’t have all these feelings for her, that he wasn’t in love with and had been for like, ever.  </p><p>“Oh my god do I have to spell it out for you—” She was interrupted by him grabbing her waist, pulling her against him, and their lips finally connecting.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Calm Before the Storm</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HI I AM SO SORRY.  Long story short my mental health took a bit of a nose dive, but we're back on track and thriving lol.  SO sorry I swear it won't happen again!! thanks for all the support!! Hope you enjoy this one, im back onto angsty keener.  can't wait for season 8 to come back.  Happy reading and hope you are all having a great day!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liz melted against his lips as he pulled her waist closer towards him.  She let herself get wrapped up in everything, let it distract her from everything going on and all her problems she was so desperately trying to avoid.  She reached her hands up and wrapped them around his neck, trying to deepen the kiss.  </p><p>He had wanted this for so long.  This kiss was much more heated than their mild peck the night before, and while he loved it, something felt wrong in the pit of his stomach.  He felt Liz’s hands begin to wander as the kiss deepened, and before he knew it, he felt them gently on his belt. Slowly, he pulled away a little.  “Liz” he breathed.  </p><p>“Mmm?”  He pulled away a bit more and as their eyes met, her cheeks flushed red, and he could see the pain in her eyes.  “What are you doing?” he asked gently.  </p><p>“I-“ her voice wavered and her bottom lip trembled a bit.  She tried to say more but just shook her head and leaned up on her tiptoes, kissing him again.  The shock was wearing off, and the façade that she was okay was getting weak.  She could hide her emotions around a lot of people, but never him.  Gently he kissed her back, his fingers tenderly stroking the small of her back, but after a few moments he pulled away again. “Ress please” Ressler sighed taking a couple steps back, and the tears finally came to her eyes. </p><p>“Liz, I can’t, not when you’re like this” He wiped her tears gently as she sighed crossing her arms across her body.  It was all over, she thought to herself.  He was going to arrest her and take her in tomorrow.  She was gonna lose her job, probably Agnes, him.  Her life was over and as she stared at the ground to avoid his gaze everything became fuzzy as more and more tears spilled down her cheeks. She had dug herself a hole and Reddington nor Ressler could get her out, not this time.</p><p>“What am I gonna do?” she sniffled, looking back up at him.  Ressler tried to say something but just sighed, his heart breaking.  He pulled her into his arms gently in response, and she broke into sobs as she clung on to him tightly.  </p><p>Ressler wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but eventually Liz went quiet and he broke the silence.  </p><p>“Wanna watch a movie?” She didn’t look up, but he could feel her smile a little and she nodded against his shoulder.  </p><p>“Do you mind if I shower?” She asked quietly.  <br/>“Of course.  You do that and I’ll order a pizza” She nodded again in response.  He slowly pulled away and grabbed her a fresh towel and a pair of his sweatpants and a sweatshirt for her before returning.  “They’ll be huge but a lot comfier to sleep in than your jeans”. She nodded and quietly thanked him; eyes glued to the floor.  He swallowed a little nervously at the awkward silence between them before leaving the bathroom.  God she was so embarrassed.  He must think I’m a total whore now she thought to herself as she stripped and got into the shower.  She still could not believe she had jumped him like that, no wonder he rejected her.  And then if that wasn’t embarrassing enough, she thought, she sobbed her eyes out to him.  She cursed herself quietly as she splashed water on her face and then cursed Ressler as she looked at the single bottle of 3 in 1 sitting on the ledge in the shower.  </p><p>A bit later Liz got out and dried herself off, pulling the sweats that were in fact three sizes to big on.  She paused and smiled a little bit as she realized they smelt like him and hugged herself, letting out a small sigh.  Finally gathering up the courage to face him and putting her “my mother was just murdered in front of me, there’s a warrant out for my arrest, all my friends hate me, and the man I’m in love with doesn’t love me back but I’m perfectly fine” smile back on, she made her way out to Ressler.  He too had changed into sweats and an FBI hoodie (typical) and she felt her heart flutter. Liz had only seen her partner dress so casually a few times and while she loved the form fitting suits, she couldn’t help but notice how huggable he looked.  </p><p>“Hey” she murmured quietly as she made her way into the kitchen.  He spun on his heels to face her, pizza and beer in hand and smiled.  </p><p>“Hey you.” Liz was going to explode; she had no idea where he stood on his feelings towards her and yet he continued to be all flirty with that stupid smile and tone of voice.  He’s probably just trying to make you smile and cheer you up she thought to herself; you kissed twice, well technically three times, but still, he doesn’t not want to date a felon.  “Feel better?” She nodded and smiled a little.</p><p>“Yeah, much, thank you.  Except for the fact you only have 3 in 1 so now my hair hates me, and I smell like you.” He chuckled in response as he headed over to the couch, Liz following.</p><p>“I smell good” He set the pizza box on the coffee table and handed her a beer as he sat on the couch.  She sat down on the other side, making sure to leave plenty of room between them. </p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” She rolled her eyes, but it was half hearted, and he could tell.  She could pretend to be okay and playful all she wanted, but he could see straight through it.  She sipped her beer and he put on some movie he insisted she had to see.  They talked occasionally, had some pizza, drank a few beers, and for just a little while everything was normal.  Ressler noticed Liz had clearly put distance between them and he wasn’t sure what to do.  He felt bad for rejecting her earlier, but it felt wrong to do anything with her when she was clearly not in the right headspace.  He had wanted to more than anything, but he also wasn’t sure if she really had feelings for him or if she just wanted a distraction.  Like out of a cheesy movie, every time he reached to grab a beer or piece of pizza, he crept closer towards her, and he was pretty sure she was doing same until eventually their shoulders were brushing against each other.  Ressler pretended not to notice and kept his eyes on the TV, but could feel her eyes on him.  To his surprise Ressler suddenly felt Liz lean into his side with her head in his shoulder as a small sob escaped her lips.  </p><p>“Hey heyy” he carefully moved himself, so her head was on his chest and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.  “It’s gonna be okay Keen”</p><p>“You don’t know that” Ressler sighed.  She was right.  </p><p>“I’m not gonna let anything happen to you.”</p><p>“Best case scenario I don’t get charged with kidnapping and I lose my badge.  What if they take away Agnes?  Not even to mention the people that were after Katarina, what if I’m next?”</p><p>“Katarina is…gone.  They aren’t looking for her anymore” </p><p>“Ressler, I know things.  She is dead but everything about the Sikorsky Archive, about N-13 is out, and people are going to come looking for answers once they realize she didn’t have it.” </p><p>“Liz I am not going to let anyone hurt you.  Ever. Understand?”  Liz looked up meeting his eyes.  She knew what she had to do, she couldn’t let the task force get dragged into this, let him get dragged into this.  She wanted to kiss him and for half a second she thought he was going to lean in, but he looked away back at the TV.  “It is all gonna be okay Keen, I promise.”  </p><p>“Don’t make promises you can’t keep” Ressler sighed in response. “Can we just pretend everything his normal again?” He nodded and she went to sit back up, but he wrapped his arms around her holding her against his chest.  He felt her tense up and immediately regretted his decision, but quickly she snuggled into his arms and laid her head on his chest.  She didn’t know what this meant, she had no idea how he felt, but she knew more than anything she wanted one last bit of normal with him.  I mean this was definitely more cuddly than normal, but she ignored that and let herself sink into him, calmed by the sound of his heart.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Here again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi um I just rewatched the episode where Ressler arrests Liz and I can't help but write hot, angry, moody Ressler.  I promise there will be fluff and cuteness soon lol. Hope you're having a great day; happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liz patiently waited until Ressler was sound asleep to carefully untangle herself from him and get up.  She knew she had to leave, she couldn’t let him take her in the next morning; she couldn’t put him or any of her friends in any more danger.  She needed answers so she could move on with her life, so she could live without constantly being in fear of what Reddington may bring into her life, of his presence causing her to lose everyone she loved.  Slipping into Ressler’s bathroom, she changed into her clothes and peeked back out at him on the couch in the living room, still sound asleep.  Carefully she made her way into his room and on his dresser found his holster, slowly removing his gun from it.  Tucking it into the waistband of her jeans, she made her way out of his bedroom and was suddenly thrown against the wall, letting out a small cry. </p><p>	“Jesus Keen, I thought you were…” Ressler quickly let go of Liz and she stared at him still in shock and surprise.  “I’m so sorry are you okay? Are you hurt?” She shook her head, her heart rate gradually returning to normal.  </p><p>	“No, no I’m fine, you just scared the shit out of me.” </p><p>	“You scared me! I woke up and you were gone I thought someone who was after your mother or Reddington or something had-“</p><p>	“I’m okay, I’m sorry.” Internally, Liz was beginning to panic; pretty soon Ressler was going to realize that she was trying to sneak away.  “I just had to go to the bathroom, I didn’t mean to scare you.”  A puzzled look came over her partners face as he realized she was wearing her clothes again. </p><p>	“...But you were coming from my room, not the bathroom.” She swallowed nervously and Ressler looked past her shoulder at his empty holster on his dresser.  Before he could even fully register what was happening, Liz bolted to his door throwing it open and he tore after her.   “Keen!” he yelled after her as she ran down the hall and into the stairwell, tears springing to her eyes.  “Keen stop!” He was catching up to her, but she was quick and jumped down the last few steps through the door and out into the parking lot.  There was nowhere to go; she hadn’t thought this far ahead.  He was catching up.  </p><p>	“No, no, no, no, Ressler please.”  She looked over her shoulder just to see him grab her as they both fell to the ground.  </p><p>	“Liz stop, stop!” as she squirmed out from under him, she felt him touch her back and a second later hear the sound of a gun cocking. For a second they stared at each other wordlessly; Liz on her back, Ressler over her, gun pointed. Here they were, again.  She looked at the barrel of the gun then back at Ressler.</p><p>	“You wouldn’t.  You wouldn’t then, and you won’t now.” She tried to hide the tears in her eyes, but it was useless, and they spilled down her cheeks.  Once again she attempted to get away from under him, but while he may not be willing to shoot her, he was strong, and she was exhausted.  “Get off of me.” She meant to sound threatening, but her voice cracked, and she finally gave up laying back in defeat.  She met his eyes, but immediately regretted it.  He looked so hurt.</p><p>	Ressler couldn’t believe they were here again.  Three hours ago, he thought she actually had feelings for him, but once again he let his soft spot for her blind him.</p><p>	“Are you done?” he asked harshly, and Liz nodded in response.  He had a lot of his weight on her ankle and she shifted uncomfortably. </p><p>	“I’m done” Liz said quietly.  “Ress please” </p><p>	“Don’t Ress me” he snapped in response.</p><p>	“Ressler you’re hurting me.” she sniffled and quickly he got up, cursing.  She got on her feet and he grabbed a hold of her arms, holding them behind her back.</p><p>	“I’m not gonna run.”  </p><p>	“you expect me to trust you? To believe anything that comes out of your mouth? To believe anything you said about…” he stopped himself, but she knew what he was talking about more than her running away.</p><p>	“I-“</p><p>	“Yeah that’s what I thought” Ressler looked away and Liz looked, down her lip quivering.  In silence they made their way back up into his apartment.    </p><p>“I’m sorry, I just.  Ressler, I panicked I don’t want you or the task force involved into this I don’t want you to get hurt.  I can’t lose you.  I need answers, I need to put an end to this all, I need control of my life!”  Letting go of Liz, he slammed the door shut making her flinch.</p><p>“Not involve the task force? What did you think was gonna happen Liz? You run off and the task force will be hunting you down.  Again.  I will have to hunt you down, again.”  Liz cursed herself, she hadn’t thought that far.  “I went and saw you twice in secret, do you know how much trouble I’m already in for that? But still, I broke the rules and brought you here so you could have one night of peace.  Do you have any idea how much shit I would be in if you got away? If I let you get away again like I did before?  Were you going to run off and shoot the Attorney General again?”  The devastated expression on her face told Ressler he had gone too far.    </p><p>“I’m sorry” she sniffled looking at him, seeing the tears he too was swallowing back.</p><p>“Are you? Did you mean anything you said?” </p><p>“Y-yes I know I didn’t think things through, but I didn’t mean to hurt you.”</p><p>“That’s not what I’m talking about.” She knew exactly what he was talking about and she wanted to tell him so badly how much she loved him.  She wanted him to kiss her and tell her he loved her too.  But it was a line, a very dangerous line they had neared the past few years, and that they teetered on the past couple days.  What if she crossed it and ruined everything, and lost the one person who understood her and who she could rely on. What if he didn’t feel the same?   </p><p>“What are you talking about?” she looked at him stepping a little closer.  He met her part way, and for what felt like the millionth time they were just millimetres apart, dangerously close to crossing that line and getting lost in each other.  Liz met his gaze and carefully reached a hand up to brush a stray tear from his cheek.  For a moment he melted into her touch and Liz slowly brushed her thumb over his lip, internally praying her would take the hint, understand what wouldn’t let her say out loud about how she felt for him, and how very real and terrifying the feelings were.  </p><p>“You know exactly what I’m talking about. This.  Do you mean any of it?  Or are you just trying to kiss me so you can take my gun again?” And with that pulled away walking into the kitchen. Liz could feel a part of her physically break.  He had been pissed at her before, hurt, disappointed.  But this? It was like he was disgusted by her.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Unspoken Words</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi sorry school has been kicking my butt and I was really back and forth about what I wanted to do with this story.  How did everyone like 8x03?! Like mad at Liz but also see where she's coming from, but she really did nearly kill him.  Ressler is so whipped and in love it fucking hurts, I just want them to kiss again! Ugh.  can't wait for Friday.  Hope you're having a good day, happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Can I borrow your phone please?” Liz finally asked after a painful silence between the pair.  “I was gonna see if an agent or Park or someone could pick me up and take me to the Post Office.”  Ressler watched her carefully, sipping his beer.  God, he wanted to be mad at her, but he just couldn’t.  She was an incredible liar, great in the field, great under cover.  She could manipulate situations and fake her way out of them with ease, but she wasn’t a bad or necessarily manipulative person.  He knew in his heart, as much as he was hurt by her that she really was telling the truth, and that she really was trying to protect him however wrong she was.  And as far as the unspoken feelings between them, at least some of it had to be real, right?  She had to know he wouldn’t fall for her taking his gun again, and that look her in her eye, it just…. Ressler sighed to himself.  Her world was falling apart; she had been through more than anyone he knew, and he had probably been too harsh.   He held out a beer to her and slowly she made her way over, leaning against the kitchen counter beside him, sipping it.  </p><p>“Keen.  Don’t be ridiculous.”</p><p>“I just don’t wanna intrude or be here if you don’t want me to…” </p><p>“I want you here.” he breathed quietly moving a little closer.  The tension was undeniable but neither one would make the final move to push them over the edge. </p><p>“Okay” she replied quietly, eyes glued to the floor.  </p><p>“You never answered me.  About if you-“ She cut him off quickly.</p><p>“Of course I meant it Ressler, both times.  About halfway through the first time I realized you were going to arrest me and so I went for the gun because I felt it in your jacket. But I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you.”  He just looked over at her silently.  “Look you don’t have to believe me, but if you can’t see that I clearly have a lot of…feelings for you, then you’re even more of a knucklehead than I thought.”  Ressler chuckled in response and moved to stand in front of her, so they were facing.  “And I’m sorry for jumping you earlier; I wasn’t in the right head space and I did want a distraction yes, but that wasn’t the only reason, and it wasn’t the only time that I wanted…” she quickly made herself stop rambling on. She thought she might die of embarrassment right then and there as her cheeks turned a bright shade of red and she looked down.  </p><p>“Liz shush, trust me I definitely wasn’t offended. Besides, it’s not like I have thought about it before either.”  The beer was definitely fueling his sudden confidence as he took a step closer. </p><p>“What about you? You kissed me too you, was that…?” She sighed in frustration and pushed his chest gently.  To his surprise she looked up at him teary eyed.  “You keep asking me about my feelings, but I don’t know where your head is at. I don’t know how you feel; I don’t know what you want.” </p><p>“I.  I don’t know Keen.” He wanted to tell her he loved her, he really did, but he just couldn’t.  He tried to wipe the stray tear that fell down her cheek, but she swatted his hand away and sniffled.  Sighing, he took a step back from her slowly.   He cursed his stupidity, but he wanted it to be real; not just because it was the night before everything changed.  Liz just nodded gently in response.   </p><p>“I’ll take the couch”. She spoke quietly as she made her way over to it. </p><p>“Liz.”</p><p>“Ress please.  I just wanna sleep.”  As she laid down and wrapped herself in the blankets Ressler sighed to himself.  Why did it all have to be so damn complicated.  He still wanted to make her take his bed, but she was already nearly half asleep.  Finally, he gave in, made his way to his room.</p><p>	Ressler dreaded the sound of his alarm the next morning, more than usual.  He really didn’t want to take Liz in like a criminal even though she was the one who had been wronged so, so many times.  Ressler showered and got ready, hoping to give her more time to sleep before he made his way out to the living room, but his partner was already awake and ready to go.  </p><p>	“Hey” she spoke gently, no, vulnerably; a tone she only every really let him hear.  Ressler smiled weakly in response.  “Let’s get this over with, yeah?” She swung his cuffs in her fingers gently and tried a little smile.  </p><p>	“Liz I’m not gonna cuff you, and nothing is gonna happen; no one wants to charge you.  You may be suspended for a bit, but Cooper will give you your job back or I’ll make him.  I told you I would back you. None of this is your fault.” Liz stared at him with those same adoring eyes as when he said he had her back a few nights before. She sighed in response.  </p><p>	“You’re sweet and I appreciate it, but it is my fault, and I did this to myself.  Besides when we take down Reddington, the details will come out about what I did, and I’ll go down with him.”</p><p>	“Keen I won’t let that happen.”</p><p>	“It’s out of your hands.  What, you think we just shouldn’t go after Reddington?”  She was joking but the stone cold expression on her partner’s face said otherwise.  “Ressler you can’t be serious, he killed my mother.”</p><p>	“A KGB spy who killed your grandfather, tried to kill Reddington, among how many other crimes?” </p><p>	“You’re kidding.” </p><p>	“It’s not worth it if it means losing you!” Liz went quiet for a moment.  She knew it wasn’t a dig at Katarina, just a desperate attempt to protect her, like he always did. </p><p>	“I know you mean well, and I know you just wanna protect me and I…am thankful for that, but I told Reddington what would happen if he killed her; he’s out of control and you know it.”  He opened his mouth to respond but she cut him off “Anyways it doesn’t really matter, Cooper just called.  Panabaker was fired and the bureau won’t say why, but the new hot shot replacement is at the post office and Cooper said he’s pissed.  That the bureau is pissed and wants me dealt with, that I’m a loose end.  And, they’re even more pissed that you took me here, so we have to come up with some cover story because there’s no way in hell I’m letting you get dragged into this too.”  She had had a bit to mull over her conversation with Cooper and the adrenaline had kicked in.  Already, she was thinking of a million ways to escape the post office once she got there, and what she was going to do after, but she had to make sure the perfect, too good for his own good guy in front of her was in no way involved.</p><p>	“Liz no, no way.” He felt sick to his stomach, she didn’t deserve all this, and worst of all she seemed so calm and accepting of her fate.  </p><p>	“Ressler you can’t fix this.  You can’t clean up my mess, not this time.  Now let’s go before you get in any more trouble.”</p><p>	An hour later they were at the post office, making their way towards the war room when Ressler stopped the elevator suddenly.  Liz turned to him.  </p><p>	“What are you planning?”  Ressler met her eyes.  Liz was a good liar but had always had a harder time lying to him and he knew it.</p><p>	“What are you talking about?”</p><p>	“You’re too calm.  If it was just your job on the line maybe, but the possibility of you going to prison and losing Agnes, I know you would never just accept that.  You’re planning something, and you gotta tell me what if I’m gonna help you.”  God he was pulling on the heartstrings, he really would do anything for her.  As he stared straight through her, Liz’s mind suddenly went blank, unable to form any type of excuse or lie to tell him.  Instead, she looked away.  “Keen.”  She could feel his piercing gaze on her as she pressed the button for the elevator to continue, and grabbed his cuffs turning her back to him as they came to their floor.  He slipped them on her wrists loosely and the elevator came to a stop.  “Liz please, it’s now or never”.  Swallowing back the lump in her throat she continued to avoid his eyes as the doors opened.  Sighing, Ressler grabbed Liz’s elbow and led her out of the elevator into the war room.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Ambush</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>KEENLER SEX KEENLER SEX KEENLER SEX.  Hiya, if anyone is still interested in this that is cool.  Its been a HOT minute i'm so sorry, life has been HAH. BUT, KEENLER IS LIKE CANON NOW??? what a seratonin boost.  So anyway here is this, its kind of something I imagined pre 8x03.  I think I'm gonna just have another chapter or two of this and catch it up to present but like I dont really know what to do with this anymore seeing as the show went a completely different direction than I anticipated.  sorry this is ramble, happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Liz leaned into Ressler as the pair came up to Panabaker’s replacement; the new White House counsel and the person set to oversee the task force.  </p><p>	“You must be Mrs. Keen.”</p><p>	“It’s Agent Keen.” Ressler snapped back.  He mustered a smile and shook hands with the man, but the tone of his voice was a clear warning.  He opened his mouth to say something else, but Liz cut him off.</p><p>	“It’s Nice to meet you.  I’d shake your hand but-“ Liz motioned to the handcuffs holding her back from smacking the smug grin off of the newcomers face.  </p><p>	“That’s quite alright, I don’t exchange pleasantries with criminals anyway.  I’m Alexander Kuznetsov, I’ll be taking over for Mrs. Panabaker.” He looked to Liz. </p><p>	“Kuznetsov, that’s Russian right?” Ressler could feel Liz tense beside him, and she moved a little closer into him. </p><p>	“Ah yes, I guess that’s the one thing we do share in common.  It’s Masha right?” It was like a cold chill had gone down Liz’s back, making every hair stick up.   No one outside the task force was supposed to know about her connection to Katarina or her real name.  </p><p>	“Well, you have certainly done your research haven’t you Mr. Kuznetsov?”  Liz stared him down, maintaining her composure well, but Ressler knew her better and could see her rubbing the scar on her wrist behind her back.</p><p>	“We have Ms. Rostova, and trust me, we know.”  He took a step closer to Liz.  “We know everything.” </p><p>	“How about you take a step back and stop threatening my partner.”  Ressler closed the gap between them and once again gave his signature ‘I will fucking kill you if you touch her’ smile.  Kuznetsov chuckled in response and took a step back now turning to Ressler. </p><p>	“That’s right, you are partners.  Funny, reports say you arrested Mrs. Keen yesterday and yet you’re not bringing her in until today? </p><p>	“Ah, building was all closed up by the time we crossed down, and I had just lost my key too, a shame.  She’s here now though, all the same.”</p><p>	“How incredibly unfortunate.  She certainly is, thank god we have much to discuss. How about you go take her up to interrogation B for me, I would just love to have a chat, one on one.”  Ressler was getting increasingly agitated, and Liz tugged on his arm nervously, she wanted to be as far away from this man as possible.  </p><p>	“Ress it’s not worth it, please.”  She spoke softly so only he could hear, and after what felt like forever he finally sighed and led her up the stairs.  “Ressler-“</p><p>	“Shh” Quickly he pulled her into their office shutting the door and taking off her cuffs “Whatever your plan is you have to call it off.” Liz looked up at him.  “I’m serious.  This guy isn’t going to keep things quiet like Cooper, you run, and they’ll hunt you down and you’ll be a full-blown fugitive…like before.  They want you to run, they want an excuse to expose you and make an example of you.”  </p><p>	“I don’t have a plan.”  She wasn’t completely lying, she didn’t really.  She was definitely working on a plan, but she needed to get to Aram first.  Ressler sighed in response</p><p>	“Please, don’t make this worse for yourself.” </p><p>	“The less you know the better.” The last thing she wanted was for him to get involved.  She looked up at him, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes.  “Ressler?” </p><p>	“I’m sorry” She had about half a second to realize what he was apologizing for before he put the cuffs back on her and led her out of their office.  Avoiding her gaze and ignoring her pleas, he took her into the interrogation room and sat her down gently in the chair, hooking her handcuffs to the chain on the table.  </p><p>	“Don’t do this.”</p><p>	“Keen don’t.  This is for your own good, I’m trying to help you.”  </p><p>	“Ress please something is going on, something feels wrong.” </p><p>	“What do you mean?” His voice softened as she looked at him with those eyes that always made him melt, but the gears inside her head were turning.  She looked around nervously at the cameras and then lowered her voice. </p><p>	“Come here” She spoke just about a whisper and he stood right beside her chair leaning down so she could whisper in his ear.  Ressler was certainly not expecting when she suddenly jumped out of the chair and shoved her shoulder into him.  She reached desperately for his gun, but the chain keeping her cuffed to the table was just a bit too short, and Ressler quickly regaining his composure stepped away.</p><p>	“Damnit Liz.  You want me to trust you and believe that you care about me, but you keep using me and I just keep defending you.”  </p><p>	“I-“ He was right. “I’m sorry” Once again, she hadn’t thought about the repercussions, all she could focus on was the uneasy feeling about the whole situation and her burning desire to get the hell out of here.</p><p>	“Save it Keen”</p><p>	“Ressler” </p><p>	“I said save it!” She sat back in the chair and sighed. </p><p>	“I need to get out of here” </p><p>	“You wanna lose everything and become a fugitive? Maybe one day sure I’ll let you, but right now I’m not gonna let you ruin your life!”  His words were eerily familiar, and she had to hide the small smile that almost came to her lips.  Did he care about her, needed her like she did him?  “I told you I would fight for you, and that I’ll back you, but I can’t do that if you keep committing felonies and digging yourself a bigger grave.”  She wanted to tell him that she understood why he was doing it, but she didn’t have the chance. She was pulled out of her daze by the slam of the door behind him, and when she looked back up, she was alone in the room.  </p><p>	Thoughts whirling, Ressler made his way back to their shared office.  Did she care at all?  Was he just someone she kept close because she knew she was his weakness, that she could easily convince him to help her?  It couldn’t be all fake he thought, hadn’t they always had a little something between them, even before everything.  She risked everything to save him just a few months before.  Sighing, he called Cooper. </p><p>	“Agent Ressler?”</p><p>	“Hi sir, are you on your way?  I have Liz, but Panabaker’s replacement is a total ass and I don’t want her in a room alone with him, you need to get here.”  </p><p>	“Panabaker’s replacement?” </p><p>	“Sir…you called Keen this morning saying Panabaker was fired and that she should come in quickly.”</p><p>	“Ressler I never called Elizabeth, and as far as I’m aware Panabaker was not fired.”  Ressler peeked through the blinds down at the war room.  There were new faces, new  guards, lots of them.  He was so caught up with Liz earlier he didn’t notice until now.  “Agent Ressler are you there?”</p><p>	“Someone called Liz this morning pretending to be you, that Panabaker was fired and we needed to come in immediately. And now, there’s a Russian guy claiming to be the replacement who knows she’s Katarina’s daughter—shit.  Cooper, Liz said she was worried that someone might be after her, that she knew too much about N-13.” </p><p>	“You need to get Keen out of there now.”  Within seconds he was back inside the interrogation room with Liz and was undoing her cuffs </p><p>	“What’s going on.” </p><p>“You didn’t make up Cooper calling you right?”</p><p>	“What are you talking about? I talked to him this morning”. The very worried look on his face made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.  “Why are you looking at me like that?” </p><p>	“I just got off the phone with him, Cooper never called call you; Panabaker wasn’t fired.”</p><p>	“Then who called me, and why do they know that my name is Masha.  Ressler.”  </p><p>	“We gotta get you out of here” </p><p>	Her head was spinning and she could hear her the blood rushing in her ears “It’s like last time, like with the cabal.  They wanted me to come, they want me here so that they can frame me.”</p><p>	“Liz”</p><p>	“No think about it.  They tried to frame Katarina as N-13 so no one would know it’s really Reddington.  But she’s dead and N-13 is still active.  Ressler, they know her and I were working together, they’re-they’re gonna frame me.  They know she’s my mother, they are going to make it seem like she passed the Sikorsky Archive onto me or something.”  Ressler looked down at her wordlessly.  His heart broke as her lip trembled.  </p><p>	“It’s gonna be okay”</p><p>	“It’s not going to be okay; you know I’m right.  Someone called me pretending to be Cooper so that we would come in early, when Cooper isn’t here, when Aram isn’t here, they made it so we would be outnumbered.” </p><p>	“I’m not going lot let anyone hurt you.  Hey” He grabbed her shoulders making her look at him.  “We’re going to get you out of here, but I need you to take a breath focus.”  Blinking back the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, Liz nodded in response.</p><p>	“The vents” Ressler followed her gaze and nodded in agreement. </p><p>	 “I’ll go down to Aram’s computer and guide you through.”</p><p>	“No, I’m not leaving you; they’ll know you let me go.”</p><p>	“I’ll distract them and meet you at the exit.”  The tears finally spilled down her cheeks.  The last thing she wanted was him involved, if he got hurt— “Liz I need to trust me. Can you do that?”  Gently he wiped the tears from her face.  Liz tried to form words but stumbled on the lump in her throat, and simply nodded instead.  Ressler peered over her shoulder and through the blinds of the window.  “We gotta get moving.”  Quickly he pulled the chair underneath the vent and stood on it removing the cover quietly.  “Come here” He pulled Liz so she was standing on the chair with him.  “Okay, we’ll get you up there and then I’ll head down to Aram’s desk.  Now they’re all down there, so I’ll have to text you the directions okay?”  Liz chewed her lip nervously.  </p><p>	“Ressler…”</p><p>	“No.  It’s going to be okay and I’m not going to let them anywhere near you.  Take this, just in case.”  He pulled his gun from its holster and handed it to her.  </p><p>	“What about you?”  Their eyes met and Ressler suddenly became all too aware of how much danger Liz was in, and just how terrifying the thought of losing her was.  Quickly, before he could realize what he was doing, he leaned in kissing her; she froze for a moment but eventually relaxed into his lips and her hand, wandering to the collar of his shirt, pulled him closer.  You can kiss her later, get her out of here first he thought to himself and slowly pulled his lips from hers.  Their eyes met again, this time with them both a bit out of breath.  The many words they both wanted to say hung unspoken in the air, but it was okay, they knew.  </p><p>	“Cooper has a spare in his desk.”  Liz nodded in response, still unable to take her eyes off him, not wanting to leave him, not wanting to go into that vent alone without the man she knew would do anything to protect her.  “Just promise me you won’t go shooting the Attorney General now.”  The smallest of smiles crept on both their faces and Liz nodded, hand still on the collar of his shirt, and pulled him against her lips again.  After a second or two Ressler pulled away.  “We have to get moving.  I’ll see you on the other side.”  </p><p>	“Ressl-“ But before he could hear the rest of her sentence, he was lifting her up and into the vent.  </p><p>	“Go.”  He watched her until she was out of sight, and carefully put the screen back over the vent before getting off the chair and making his way into the war room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Escape</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Um I don't know what this is so sorry, but I'm rewatching blacklist and all I wanna do is write them.  Sorry this is kinda short and filler.  I think I wanna do another two chapters or so.  Hope you're having a good day! happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ressler had just barely sat at Aram’s desk before Kuznetsov made his way over. </p><p>	“Where is she?” </p><p>	“Interrogation B like you asked.” Ressler replied coldly.  “I’m just pulling her files and records, I thought you may want to take a look.”  </p><p>	“Oh.  I mean we know mostly everything, but it wouldn’t hurt to look.”</p><p>	“Perfect I’ll bring them up to interrogation.” Kuznetsov began to walk away, “Do what you want, but if you want to make her nervous, I would let her sit in there a few minutes.  I was chewing her out about how stupid she was,” He leaned back in the chair casually and the pair made eye contact. “just trust me I know her, you let her think about it for a bit and she’ll tell you whatever you want.” Ressler silently prayed he sounded as nonchalant as he was trying to, and that the man in front of him who really wanted to beat the shit out would take the bait.  <br/>	“Why are you helping me?” </p><p>	“What that little show back there?” Ressler chuckled.  “She’s a criminal, she broke the law. More than once.  I just thought if she thought I was on her side she might open up to me but no use.” Kuznetsov stared at Ressler, unsure.  “You think just because she’s my partner that I think she’s above the law? Please, I’ve arrested her before.” </p><p>	“I did see that in your file…”</p><p>	“So, just let me know if I can help in anyway.” They shook hands and Ressler gave his very best fake smile, fighting back every urge to shoot the guy.  A silence fell between the two for a few moments, until finally the Russian was satisfied. </p><p>	“Just bring me those files once you get them” Ressler nodded in response and watched out of the corner of his eye until the man headed back over to the elevator before he pulled up the blueprints of the building.  As quick as he could, he texted Liz a series of directions before printing off her records.  </p><p>	Nerves building and a prickling sensation on the back of his neck, Ressler headed over to the elevator handing Kuznetsov the file.  </p><p>	“Want me to go take another swing at her?” </p><p>	“If you think she may talk to you, sure.  I’ll look over these and be up in a minute” The walk upstairs felt painfully long, and Ressler had to resist the urge to run.  After checking over his shoulder, he snuck into Cooper’s office and called Liz as soon as the door was shut behind him. </p><p>	“Did you get my directions?” </p><p>	“Yeah I’m almost there, where are you? Are you okay?” </p><p>	“I’ll be right there.” He found the spare gun in Cooper’s desk and tucked into the back of his waistband.  “Just stay put and quiet.”</p><p>	“Ressl-“ He hung up and peeked out into the hallway before walking out and back into the war room.  </p><p>	“She’s ready for you.” Kuznetsov nodded and heart pounding, Ressler watched him and two of his guards walk up the stairs towards the interrogation room.  He had about ten seconds before they realized that Liz was very much not in the interrogation room and he walked as quickly as he could without it looking suspicious, across the war room and through a door at the end of the hall.  He made it about four steps before the alarms blared throughout the building, and he sprinted towards the emergency exit.  </p><p>	“Keen!”  He stood under the vent just before the door, where she was supposed to be but he was met with silence.  “Liz!” He knew he should keep his voice down but they He was becoming all too aware of how bad the situation was, and just how much they were outnumbered.  He stopped under the vent where Liz was supposed to be, but was met with silence. </p><p>“Keen?” Nothing “Liz!” Finally, after what felt like forever, he heard her crawling to the opening. </p><p>	“Ressler?” </p><p>	“It’s me, we gotta hurry.  Kick the screen off-“ He didn’t need to finish his sentence before the metal grate came crashing to the floor.  He looked up at her and held up his arms. “I got you,” It was a fairly high drop, and they didn’t have a chair this time, but Liz didn’t think twice, she didn’t need to.  As if instinct, she jumped into his arms and (like she knew he would) he safely caught her and set her on the ground as the door at the end of the hallway opened.  </p><p>	“Ressler go, go!” Pushing him forward, the pair ran out the emergency exit and outside.  They both quickly turned back to the door, shooting at the pair of guards after them.  They hit the pavement and Ressler grabbed Liz’s wrist pulling her to the line of suburbans in the parking lot.  They picked one, and without needing to utter a word, he smashed the window and unlocked the door before moving aside and keeping watch while she hotwired the engine.  As it sprung to life, Liz climbed across to the passenger’s side and he climbed in the driver’s speeding down the road before they could barely get their seatbelts on.  </p><p>	Neither of them could speak for a solid two minutes, still processing everything that happened.  Ressler kept checking behind them nervously, but they weren’t being followed.  Finally, he turned to his partner to see her staring blankly at the dashboard.  </p><p>	“Keen talk to me, are you hurt?” He kept his eyes on the road but kept sneaking glances to the side.  It all hit her; not only had she dug herself into a hole of felonies but now the people who were after her mother for so many years, who forced her into hiding, and who tore apart her life were after her.  “Liz hey, hey” the second hey came a bit more firmly, and he set his hand on her knee squeezing it gently, bringing her back to the present.    </p><p>	“What am I gonna do?”  </p><p>	“I don’t-we’ll figure it out”</p><p>	“Where are we going?” </p><p>	“Cooper’s house? He’ll know what to do.”  </p><p>	“Okay.” She looked down; his hand was still on her knee.  </p><p>	“Sorry” He started to pull it away but placed her hand on top of his instead.  They arrived at Cooper’s a few minutes later, and Ressler turned off the car looking at her. </p><p>	“It’s gonna be okay.  We’ll figure it out Liz, I promise.”  He kept saying we. It made Liz’s heart weak, and made her want to kiss his stupid loving face that was looking at her with those eyes, those damn eyes that made her feel like she wasn’t crazy and that he felt all these things too.  That the longing glances, and the touchy feely-ness of their relationship was more than “they’ve just been partner’s a long time.” That the borderline flirting and the ‘I will throw myself into a burning building for you’ was more than “they’re just best friends and really close.” They had been blurring the lines for the past couple of years, and of course because they utterly suck at timing, it had to reach its head point now, in the middle of all this.  This is what he did to her, what those stupid eyes that made her feel like the only world did to her.  </p><p>	“You keep saying ‘we’.” Because but as much as it made her heart soar, it also made it heavy.  Dragged down with the guilt of what could happen to him if he followed her to the dark place she was going.  Weighed her down with the fear she could not bear to think about of him getting hurt, or worse because of her.  No.  No, as much as she wanted it to be ‘we’ it couldn’t; she couldn’t let that happen.  </p><p>	“Because like I told you, you have me to come to, and I’ll back you no matter what.”  He tried desperately to meet her gaze, but she refused to look at him.  </p><p>	“You’re sweet, but” </p><p>	“But what?”  Sighing in response she finally looked in his stupid eyes again. </p><p>	“Nothing” She smiled, even if it was forced and an attempt to stop the tears threatening to return.  “Nothing, thank you.”  She hated how good she was at it; it was an asset at times, but she hated how easy It was for her.  She could manipulate and fake emotions so easily, and she hated doing it, especially to him.  But still she batted her eyelashes and flashed her best smile, and he was satisfied.  And with a kiss to the forehead, he got out of the car, Liz close behind and they made their way to Cooper’s door.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>also does anyone know how to do fucking italics on here? I write in word and then copy and paste but its always deletes them :(</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Last Chance</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi all, hope you're having a great day.  Ugh sorry this is kind of short again (school is kicking my ass) but I have part of the next chapter written.  So, do we think we're getting Miss Megan this Friday, or another week of disappointment?  I'm so god damn Keenler deprived.  Anyways, hope you have a great day or night or morning, happy reading!</p><p>p.s.Um also gonna be honest, I'm exhausted I really half assed proof reading this, I apologise in advanced.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I won’t let anything happen to you I promise.” He had leaned down to whisper in her ear, just as Cooper opened the door.</p><p>	“Oh thank God.  Come in, quick” Liz shivered a little as Ressler set his hand on the small of her back, guiding her in and shutting the door behind them. “Are you both okay?” </p><p>	“We’re okay, got out just in time.”  Ressler replied.</p><p>	“Good, I just sent over a tactical team and was about to head over myself.” </p><p>	“Can I use your bathroom?”  Liz interrupted.</p><p>	“Yeah of course, first door on the left.” Nodding she made her way down the hallway and into the bathroom turning on the faucet.  She had to kill Reddington. Because he killed her mother, but even more importantly because he was N-13 and if she took him down, the Russians would back off of her.  She needed her life back, she needed control.  She splashed water on her face and gripped the sink trying to slow down her breathing.  He had taken so much from her and brought so much pain.  His secrets, his damn secrets that drove her insane; he had led her down a rabbit hole that had ruined everything good in her life and taken so many she loved away.  She was done.  </p><p>Finally pulling herself together, she made her way out of the bathroom peering down the hall, sneaking a peak at  <i>him.</i>  His fair complexion, sprinkled with light freckles if you were close enough, his soft strawberry blonde hair, a bit dishevelled from the earlier events of the day.  His jaw, his lips, his tie slightly loosened, and his button down fitted snuggly to his chest.  His strong chest she longed to feel the familiar warmth of as he pulled her into one of his hugs.  Just out of sight were his eyes.  Eyes she knew so well; a glance back at her as they entered a building, checking to make sure she was okay.  The look he gave, a questioning gaze, when he knew she was hiding something.  Above all, the look that turned the piercing blue warm, the look of reassurance, that he would protect her.  And in her heart, she knew he meant it, that he believed it, but she knew he couldn’t protect her from this, no one could.  She longed to see those eyes, one more time, but instead, she moved the opposite way down the hall, and quietly snuck out the back door.  She tried her best to ignore it, but the lump in her throat wouldn’t diminish, and tears burned her eyes.  Was this goodbye? </p><p> </p><p>	“I’m gonna check on Keen, she’s been in there a while.”  Cooper nodded in response and Ressler made his way to the bathroom door knocking gently.  “Liz you okay? Keen?” He stood at the door puzzled until worry began to build and he knocked again. “Liz? Just say you’re okay and I’ll walk away.” A few more moments of silence passed. “Okay I’m coming in” To his surprise the door wasn’t locked.  Unfortunately, even more surprising was the empty bathroom he was met with.  Cursing under his breath he ran out and to the front looking out the window. </p><p>	“What’s going on?” Cooper came over and also cursed as they both realized the Suburban the pair had arrived in was now gone.  </p><p>	“I’m gonna call her, maybe something came up with Agnes.”  And so he did, they both called her, several times, but with no answer.  “She’s gone.” </p><p>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *</p><p>His body ached.  He refused to take the pain killers the doctors suggested but was beginning to regret that decision.  The adrenaline had died down by now, and his body was feeling the full force of being thrown across the room by the explosion.  It had been two days since Liz had disappeared from Cooper’s house, and somehow using Aram’s ID, she got her hands on some explosives.  They had met once at a motel, but she wasn’t herself, or at least not the way she normally acted around him.  She was cold and avoidant; it was hard to ever believe they had been kissing and almost more just a couple days before.  He should have known something was up, that she was planning something.  I mean he knew she was planning something, but he had never anticipated that she would actually try to kill Reddington.  He just wanted to see her, talk to her, try to convince her to step away from it all but she wouldn’t answer his calls, texts, anything.  </p><p>He found himself on the couch, sipping a beer and aimlessly flicking through the channels on the TV when there was a soft knock on the door.  He had ordered a pizza and slowly got up from the couch.  <i> that was quick </i> he thought, but was surprised to see her there; a small frown on her lips and guilt-ridden eyes.  </p><p>“Keen-“ </p><p>“Are you okay?” her voice sounded so much smaller than that day in the parking lot, filled with regret and remorse.  </p><p>“Liz you shouldn’t be here.” He looked behind her nervously</p><p>“I didn’t know that you--you weren’t supposed to be in his room you.  If I knew you were there I wouldn’t hav-“ </p><p>“I know.  Liz you can’t be here, they’re watching my apartment because they knew you would come here.” </p><p>“I talked to Aram, and for a second I thought-“ But he cut her off becoming increasingly worried that someone had followed her.</p><p>“You know we’re going to have to come after you, that I’m going to have to come after you, again.” She didn’t care.  She thought for a split second that he was gone, that she had lost him, and suddenly nothing else mattered.</p><p>“I thought you were gone-“ This time it was herself that cut her off.  The lump in her throat that silenced her, and threatened to make the tears brimming her eyes to fall.  Aram, Cooper, Reddington, they were all mad at her, but he just couldn’t find it in him.  They were betrayed and hurt that she manipulated them, and he was too, but he just couldn’t be mad at her.  Because here she was now, vulnerable and in tears, and while he knew she was great at faking emotions, this wasn’t that.  She didn’t need to come here.  </p><p>And with those sad teary eyes, he watched her slowly scan his body. First the two larger bandaged cuts on his arms, the smaller one on his forehead, down to a deeper one on his cheek and finally his lips.  Guilt flooded her body, starting in her chest and extending to her fingertips and toes, like a wave of cool and pain.  She wanted so badly to hug him but didn’t know if she should.  Finally their eyes met, and he held out his arms a little.  She knew it was him saying it was okay and eagerly she leaned into his chest and loosely wrapped her arms around his torso.  He hugged her back, but not as tightly as usual.  Slowly his arm made its way around her shoulder and she felt the smallest of smiles come to her face.  A smile of relief, but even more just to be close to him again; the familiar feeling of his strong arms, and the smell of his cologne.  </p><p>“Ouch” He murmured quietly, but with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.  It brought Liz back to reality and slowly she pulled away from him.  </p><p>“I’m sorry…” </p><p>“Well, you should be, you nearly killed me.”  His voice again sarcastic, and he had a small smile on his face, desperate to make it all seem like it wasn’t a big deal, to cheer her up, even if it was just a little.  But as they met eyes and she was reminded of the cuts on his face, the damage she had done, the pit in her stomach returned. </p><p>“I know…and when I thought I had.” She shook her head gently, as if trying to shake away the tears now falling down her face. “Nothing else mattered.” She looked up at the ceiling, desperate to avoid looking at him and the pain she had put him through.  </p><p>“Hey, I’m okay though” He reached his hand to her arm, giving it a gentle squeeze and she looked back at him.  </p><p>“I’m a fugitive again…” Ressler sighed in response.  “And I know you have to come after me and I know you have to do your job…but before that I just.”  She didn’t know how to say the next part or if she even should.  He had already done so much and broken so many rules for her, but if he really did have to come after her it may be her last chance.  <i> their </i> last chance.  “I need a rest, just for one night.  One night before everything goes sideways that I can pretend everything is normal, that you and I are normal…” It felt like his eyes were burning holes through her skin as they studied her face, unsure if this was a setup, if she had ulterior motives.  He knew it was a bad idea and if anyone found out she was here at all he would be in a lot of trouble, but it was <i> Liz. </i>  After what felt like forever, he finally moved to the side and motioned her to come in.  And with a small smile, the brunette walked past him, their shoulders brushing gently, and inside his apartment.  Ressler cursed himself silently but couldn’t help the small grin forming on his lips as he took one last glance down the hall before closing the door.  </p><p>And a normal night they had, or at least at first.  The pizza came and they sat on the couch eating it and having a couple beers, watching a movie.  </p><p>“The cut on your cheek looks deep, did anyone look at it?” </p><p>“Yes. I’m okay Liz, relax.” He turned to face her and rested his hand on her knee, rubbing it gently.  She sighed leaning forward a little to look closer.  “Keen”. She shushed him and moved her legs underneath her sitting on her knees to face him.  </p><p>“It looks sore.” Moving closer she brushed her thumb along it gently before their eyes met.  </p><p>“It’s fine keen, I promise.  I’m fine.”  Liz scanned his eyes, desperate to figure out what he was thinking, looking for any indication that his heart was racing as quickly as hers.  She noticed he was staring at her lips.  </p><p>“I love you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Kiss me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>helllooooo.  another disappointing week of blacklist lol.  At least our best boy got more screen time a looked like a grade A snack.  Sorry I wanted to get this up like two days ago but I've never written a *spicy* scene so I kept changing it.  Still not sure how I feel about this but I TRIED.  hope you're having a good day, happy reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I love you.” </p><p>The words fell from her mouth before she could stop them, and her heart dropped.  She couldn’t believe she had just said it; those three words she had been holding back from him for years, words she never thought she would build the courage to actually say.  But out they were and the stunned expression on his face brought the lump back to her throat, had she just ruined everything? “I-I.  I’m so sorry I-“ In a hurry she began to get up but he quickly grabbed her arm, pulling her back down.  Their eyes met for another moment before he placed his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her lips to his.  Relaxing, she melted into him, and let him pull her overtop of him before either of them really had any idea of what was happening.  Their bodies took over, finally having the permission to do what they had both longed for, for so many years.  Out of breath they pulled away a few moments later, and Liz’s cheeks flushed red as she realized she was straddling his lap.  Ressler stared at her, his eyes tinted with a look, something new that set her body on fire.  Slowly he traced his thumb over her lower lip, his own heart racing. </p><p>“I’ve loved you since…like forever Liz” And in that moment she could have sworn that her heart actually stopped, the butterflies fluttering like crazy, and the pit in her stomach getting increasingly warmer.  </p><p>“I-I” She was so flustered, and her words got lost, replaced by a small giggle as she shook her head.  They both looked at each other, smiles on their faces and Ressler sat up a little, leaning his back against the armrest of the couch.  For a moment they forgot everything going on, everything that was to come, too caught up in their feelings for each other.  </p><p>“why’d you come here?” he finally asked after a few moments of silence. </p><p>“I had to see you, see if you were okay.”  Her fingertips brushed along his chest, met with the fabric of his shirt she secretly wished wasn’t there.  </p><p>“Aram told you I was okay”</p><p>“I” She broke their eye contact “I just needed to see you in case.” </p><p>“In case what?”  She shook her head.  They both knew why.  In case this was the last time.  </p><p>“I just needed to know…” It was his turn to make a move.  Gently he reached his finger under her chin and pulled her face to look at him, their lips just inches apart. </p><p>“Know what?”  His voice was barely above a whisper, almost seductive, suggesting, a tone she was unfamiliar with but itching to hear more.  She scanned his face, stared at his lips, prayed he would kiss her again. </p><p>“I needed to know if you…had feelings. If there really was something between us or if it was just me.  And if I’m going to be a fugitive, and this may be the last chance-- I just had to know.”</p><p>“And here I was thinking I was an idiot in love with a girl who would never feel the same.” Hearing him say those words again sent a shiver down her spine and she inched closer to him.</p><p>“Ress” She spoke barely above a whisper, breath hitching, leaning into his hand that was now caressing her cheek.  He always had a special pull on her, a feeling he gave her that made her willing to follow him almost anywhere, but now it was as if it had been amplified tenfold.  The way he was looking at her, the touch of his hands on her, had intoxicated her, her head fuzzy.  The world was falling apart but all she knew in this moment was the burning desire to get as close to him as possible; to feel his hands on her, be loved by him.  He dragged his fingers down her jawline and she leaned down kissing his hand gently, before looking back at him.  Finally, he closed the gap between their lips, and their bodies melted into each other.  </p><p>The kiss was different from their others before, it burned with desire, lust, all the things their minds kept at bay for years.  She felt him begin to slip her jacket off her shoulders and she deepened the kiss, throwing the it to the ground.  He was almost surprised when he felt her lips move to his neck, light and soft, giving him goosebumps as she moved from his jaw to his collar bone.  He felt her play with the bottom of his shirt before she pulled away sitting up to look at him.  Her eyes burned with desire, a mischievous grin on her lips.     </p><p>“You wanna go to my room?”  He asked softly, sitting up to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.  The way she was looking at him was driving him crazy.  Her grin turned into a small smirk and she nodded in response as she got up off his lap carefully, holding out her hands.  He held onto them and rose from the couch slowly, wincing a little in pain.  </p><p>“Yeah sorry about that…” She spoke quietly.  Ressler smiled and shortened the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist pulling her against him. </p><p>“Stop saying sorry” his voice was soft and shushed her gently before leaning down to kiss her again.  She had never seen this side of him.  He had been gentle and soft with her, even a little flirty, but this was different.  His voice was smooth, his hands knew exactly where to go. She was never exactly the shy type, but the way he was talking to her, touching her, kissing her, it turned her into a fawning teenager.  </p><p>She hadn’t noticed they were moving until her back hit his bedroom door gently.  Hands still tangled in his hair she slowly pulled away from the rather heated kiss to look at him.</p><p>“We don’t have to…” he started but she cut him off.</p><p>“I want to.”  She looked at him, eyes pleading, and he couldn’t help but smile.  <br/>“What are you so smiley about?”  Her hands slowly fell from his hair to his chest and then slowly slid down to the bottom of his shirt.  </p><p>“You.  You’re very pretty; I don’t say it enough.”  She looked down, blushing, and gently he pulled her chin back up.</p><p>“Mmm are you gonna make a move agent Ressler or what?”  leaning her head back against the door, hands still on his shirt she peered up at him, a smirk playing on her lips.  He chuckled nervously in response, and for the first time, Liz could sense his own uneasiness.  He too was a little shy at the thought of what was to come, the idea of his partner naked.  The kissing blurred the line they loved to walk, but once clothes started coming off, they would cross it completely.  With her sudden spur of confidence, she had reached behind her to open his door. Taking a few steps backwards through it as she pulled him but the hem of his shirt.  With a smile he followed her until their chests met.  </p><p>“If you keep looking at me like that…” He warned her, but his voice was soft, smooth, that same tone she longed to hear more of, hear him say her name in.  Slowly she began to pull his shirt up, careful of the bandages on his arms and chest.  </p><p>“Then what?”  She continued to stare up at him, biting her lip slightly.  She had gotten the shirt over his head and let it drop to the floor, tracing her fingers gently over the bandage on his chest.  She got the reaction she wanted; pulling her waist closer he kissed her again, much less gentle than earlier.  His lips burned with passion, desire, and it wasn’t long before they found their way to her neck. She let out a small gasp when he suddenly lifted her up, and his hands pulled her legs around his waist.  Tightening her arms around his neck she leaned into him, suddenly all too aware of his lips burning on her neck, his hands roaming her waist, her back. </p><p>“You’re wearing too many clothes.” He murmured against her ear. The directness of his words, the hum of his damn voice took away the chance of any sort of witty response from her.  Gently he sat her on the end of his bed, and she whined softly at the loss of contact.  He couldn’t help but smirk a little in response, but as she peered up at him, eyes full of adoration his legs felt like they had turned to jello.  Her eyes slowly began to drift down his chest and stomach to his belt area where she noticed something that made her blush even more.  He had y begun to pull her shirt up but stopped about halfway looking to her.  Giggling a little, she nodded giving him permission, and with both of their hands shaking a bit, helped him get it over her head. She watched his eyes scan from her head to her toes before he bent down to her, leaning his hands onto the bed on either side of her, lips inches apart.  “Is this a terrible idea?” He asked so quietly that for a moment she thought it was her own mind, echoing the same question. </p><p>“Probably but…” Her hands, a mind of their own had found their way to his belt, slowly unbuckling it as their eyes met.  “But I don’t care.” She breathed against lips gently, sending a shiver down his spine.  </p><p>“You sure?” She could hear him talking but her head was spinning, focused on his thumbs tracing circles on her waist, his head bowing to kiss her bare shoulder softly, the raspy whisper of his voice ringing in her ears.  “Liz” he whispered in her ear, hands squeezing her hips.  </p><p>“Don just shut up and kiss me-”  It was the permission he needed, and before she could barely get out the last syllable she found herself pushed onto her back, him over her, their lips in a feverish haze.</p><p>Everything became a blissful blur; their bodies finally taking over as they let go of the nerves, the caution; it was just them and their feelings for each other, everything they had been holding back now in the open.  They were a tangle of limbs and sheets, clothes quickly discarded as they fell into each other’s arms, bodies; desperate to hold onto each other, and to stay in this very moment for as long as possible.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. I promise</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hi hi sorry this is so short, its just kinda filler fluff but I really wish we got to see a scene like this in 8x04.  (but like love the whole looking for her sock scene too.). I feel like he's the only person she can really be her old self around anymore, and I just wanted to write some sappy fluff before next chapter gets a little sad.  I think I'm gonna do one more chapter and finish this part up with her going on the run, and then maybe doing a sequel to this of more present stuff thats happening/my theory about what could happen if people would be interested :)). Thanks for sticking along and for all the feedback, means a lot !! Happy reading</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You okay?” he asked softly, still out of breath as they both came down from their high.  He ran his fingers through her hair gently and as he slowly opened his eyes, he could start to make out her smile, matching his own.  </p><p>“uh huh, perfect,  just” She too was out of breath and laid her head on his chest, unable to finish her sentence.   </p><p>“mm me too.” He chuckled softly.  They laid there in silence for a few moments, her fingers tracing circles on his chest until gradually their breathing returned to normal.  For a moment he almost dozed off, perfectly content with her in his arms, but as he felt her lift her head off his chest, he opened his eyes again.  The curtain was open a crack, and the moonlight was shining on her face; outlining the dimples in her cheeks he absolutely loved, her lips, her jaw that gave way to her neck, painted with a mark or two.  <i> She was beautiful.<i>  She caught him staring and that smile, her smile that truly could light up a whole room, the smile he had seen less and less of lately, spread across her face.  </i></i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Whaaaat?”  Her tone way playful and light, teasing him as the blush spread across her nose and cheeks.  He had missed her, missed this, missed her being so happy.  </i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re beautiful.” His words sounded cheesy, but he didn’t care.  She rolled her eyes in response, but her smile grew as she sat up more, reaching for his button down which she threw around her shoulders shyly.  </i>
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    <i>“Don’t go.”  The panic in his tone was much more evident than he intended.  She smiled leaning down and brushing her lips against his softly.  </i>
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    <i>“I just have to use the little girl’s room; I’ll be right back.”  He held onto her hands, watching her, unsure.  Was she trying to sneak away?  “I promise, I’ll be right back.”  Her tone had shifted to a gentle whisper, soft, reassuring, and she kissed him again gently for good measure before she tip toed to the bathroom.  Eventually he relaxed back into the pillow, the memories of earlier flashing through his mind.  <i> Her making her way on top of him, insisting so, worried about him being in pain. <i> He smiled to himself shaking his head. <i> His sudden shyness at her naked, her pulling his arms around her, giving him permission to touch her in the many, many ways he wanted to.  Her moaning his name— <i> he was interrupted by her making her way back into his bedroom.  </i></i></i></i></i>
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  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>
          <i>
            <i>“finally, I thought you may try to sneak out on me.” She smiled and slowly crawled into his open arms.  </i>
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            <i>“I know you did.” To his surprise she immediately snuggled into his side, arm wrapped around his chest, tangling her legs with his.  She surprised herself too, she knew she should get going but all she wanted was him and the safety he made her feel.  “I should get going soon though.”  She poked her head up to look at the clock on his bedside table, but her body betraying her, only sunk further into his arms.  </i>
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          <i>
            <i>“Please stay, at least till morning.”  He begged, not bothering to hide the desperation in his voice as his arms circled around her body a little tighter.  She tilted her head up to look at him and gently brushed her thumb over his cheek.  </i>
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            <i>“Ress…“ </i>
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          <i>
            <i>“Please.  Besides you said you needed a rest, and it’s not like we’ve done much resting so far.”  He raised his eyebrows smirking and she giggled in response, leaning up to kiss him gently.  “and no tricks.  I’m not gonna try to take you in or anything I just, I’ve missed you, missed this.”   </i>
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            <i>“Mm missed this? I don’t recall being naked in your bed before agent Ressler.”  The corners of her lips turned up in a small smirk and he chuckled. </i>
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            <i>“No, just you.  You being—” </i>
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            <i>“Happy?”  He nodded in response, sighing a little.  “Yeah.  That cute, real smile of yours I never get to see anymore. Trusting me.  Just us being us, Liz.  Although, I do rather like the new addition of you naked on top of me.”  She giggled shyly and hid her face in his neck, dragging her lips across his skin slowly.</i>
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            <i>“Please if I knew the sex was going to be so good, I would have started sleeping with you a longgg time ago.”  She had poked her head back up from his neck, and now it was his turn to blush.  </i>
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            <i>“Oh is that so Elizabeth?” She giggled leaning down to kiss him again.  She normally hated when people called her Elizabeth, but the way he said it made her want him to say it over and over.  Her guard was completely down; the small voice in the back of her head kept telling her to get the hell out of his bed, but she couldn’t.  Not when he looked at her like that, held her like this.  Not when she could feel his heart beating against her chest, and his fingers were brushing her thigh like they were.  She could be cold and put up a wall with anyone, but it was always so much harder with him.  “Please stay.”  He knew he sounded pathetic, his voice so quiet he could barely hear it, but he really did not care.  All he did care about was staying like this, if only for a few more hours.  </i>
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            <i>“No tricks?” </i>
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            <i>“Keen.”  He gave her that <i> come on you know me better than that look <i>, watching the gears turn in her head.  Suddenly she smirked </i></i></i>
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                <i>“Mmm I’m not gonna wake up to you handcuffing me…unless sexually of course.”  He laughed leaning back.  He knew behind the jokes and teasing she was a least partially being serious.  </i>
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                <i>“I mean we could certainly arrange the latter but no, no tricks, I just want more time with you.”    She met his eyes.</i>
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                <i>“you promise?”  Her voice had lost the playfulness, now quiet and soft as she scanned his eyes, as if looking for the truth in them.  And while staring into hers, his own voice matching hers, he murmured.</i>
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                <i>“I promise.”  They had always had an unspoken rule between them.  Sure, they had lied, or at least withheld the whole truth from each other before, but those two words <i> I promise <i> had always meant something to them, and were always saved for the truth. “Okay?” He asked gently, his hand slipping under the back of his shirt she was wearing to caress her back.  She smiled and nodded.</i></i></i>
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                    <i>“Okay”</i>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Here Again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey y'all hope you're having a good day.  This is the final chapter!! I think I'm going to do a sequel type thing maybe if anyone wants, that is more caught up with the current episodes, but either way I'll be writing more for sure because they have me by the throat and Jo(h)ns aren't making keenler happen faster enough so we gotta do it ourselves.  THE LAST EP HAS ME IN SHAMBLES THE KEENLER REUNION WE DESERVE.  I wish they would acknowledge they've seen each other naked but honestly I accept nothing less from the two idiots, and I'm hoping they're just building angst for later.  ANYWAYS if you're still reading this, thank you so much for coming along on my first lil story.  I had so much fun writing it and I love this little community.  You are all so sweet &lt;3 Thank you!! happy reading :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When he awoke a few hours later the clock read 4:16. He was relieved to find she was still snuggled into his side, hair sprawled across his chest; it wasn’t all a dream.  He shifted a little and a sharp pain extended from his shoulder down his back, making him groan.  Liz’s head immediately shot up and she looked around in a panic, hand reaching to her belt where her gun would normally be. </p><p>“Hey you’re good, it’s okay.” He spoke softly.  Slowly recognizing her surroundings, she began to calm down and rubbed her hands over her face sitting up.  “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” He spoke softly.  She shook her head.</p><p>“It wasn’t you, weird dream.”  She rubbed her face, and he furrowed his eyebrows looking at her.  He reached to rub her arm but was surprised when she flinched away. </p><p>“Sorry I-“ She cut herself off, sighing.  He watched her closely.  Her chest was still moving quickly, and she rubbed the scar on her wrist anxiously.  </p><p>“Hey, what about your dream? You, okay?”  She shook her head more.  “Liz.”</p><p>“It’s nothing I’ll be okay, just a weird dream.” <i> She most certainly was not going to tell him she was dreaming of him, dreaming of this man she finally admitted to loving dying, being killed because of her; like Tom, like so many people she cared about. </i></p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Weird dream?” She nodded in response.  “Keen.” She met his eyes and sighed.  </i>
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    <i>“Okay bad dream…but I’m okay, it just spooked me a little.”</i>
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    <i>“You sure?”  She nodded in response, and then to his surprise suddenly wrapped her arms around his torso to hug him tightly, her cheek pressed against his chest.  He trailed his fingers over her back gently, tightening his other arm around her to bring her closer.  She wanted to stay like this forever.   </i>
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    <i>“Mm what time is it?” She mumbled, lifting her face from his chest.</i>
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    <i>“Little after four.”  He paused a moment.  “Please don’t go.”  She leaned down brushing her lips against his softly.  His hand came to her face, caressing her cheek and she leaned into it as she slowly pulled her lips from his.  “Just a little longer.” He begged. His voice had the soft vulnerable tone to it again, reserved only for her.  She met his eyes to find his gaze matching hers; the look of two hopeless idiots in love who both knew they were running out of time, riddled with desperation to stay frozen in this moment.  She simply nodded in response, her thoughts muddled and unable to form a coherent sentence as his lips were on hers again.</i>
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  <i>
    <i>It was shortly after seven when she awoke again.  She lifted her head from his chest gently, smiling to herself as she realized he was still asleep.  The sunlight coming in from the window splashed across his face, illuminating the freckles dotting his cheeks, making the strands of red in his hair come out.  She couldn’t help but think about how peaceful he looked; his lips relaxed instead of turned into his typical scowl; his normally furrowing eyebrows lay flat.  She leaned down to kiss his cheek before wiggling out of his arms, careful not to wake him.  She got up from his bed, buttoning up his shirt she was still wearing, and tip toed to the kitchen.  </i>
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    <i>Her mind quickly set to work as she poured herself a glass of water; what to do next, how to get Agnes, who of Reddington’s associates should she try to turn first, but she kept getting interrupted by the thoughts of a strong, handsome, ginger, half naked in the room next door.  Of his hands on her, his lips on her.  Of his whispers in her ear, him moaning her name—</i>
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  <i>
    <i>“Focus Liz”. She muttered under her breath, sipping the glass of water.  She wanted nothing more than to stay with him, to fall into this new life, to see where things could go between them.  She smiled to herself at the thought.  The thought of it not all being in her head, that he too had feelings.  At the idea of them going to dinner at Wing Yees as more than friends.  They had finally crossed the damn line, and both wanted the same thing, but yet the timing couldn’t be worse.  </i>
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  <i>
    <i>***<br/>He was just starting to stir as she made her way back into his room, two glasses of water in hand.  </i>
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</p><p>
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    <i>“mm Keen?”  His eyes were still half-closed, and his morning voice may have just been the hottest thing she had ever heard.  </i>
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  <i>
    <i>“It’s me.  I was dying of thirst, so I went to grab some water.” He smiled, his eyes opening, staring at her as she climbed onto the bed handing him one of the glasses.  She moved her legs underneath her, sitting on her heels as he sat up a bit. “Did you think I snuck out on you?” She asked, raising her eyebrow. he chuckled softly.  </i>
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    <i>“Crossed my mind, but then I saw your clothes on the floor and figured you weren’t running around after Raymond Reddington naked.”  She giggled.  “I mean, it would be a lot more fun to chase you if you were.”  She rolled her eyes hitting him with a pillow but couldn’t contain her smile.</i>
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    <i>“Shut up, perv.”  He smiled sitting up, reaching out to grab her hand gently.  She tilted her head a little, looking at him. </i>
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    <i>“Do you really have to go?”  His voice was soft, his eyes filled with the stupid puppy dog look she could never say no to.  </i>
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    <i>“Ressler.” He sighed </i>
  </i>
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    <i>“I know.”  She leaned down pecking his lips gently before hopping off the bed over to her pile of clothes on the floor.</i>
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  <i>
    <i>“You know the whole my shirt as a dress thing is quite the look, you should wear it more often, would certainly brighten up the post office.”  She glared over her shoulder at him, trying to keep her face serious but the smile snuck across her lips.  She paused a moment to pick up her jeans before looking back over her shoulder at him.  </i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“My ass is nearly out, Donald.”  She raised both of her eyebrows at him, as if a warning.  A boyish smirk spread across his face and he laid back.  </i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Exactly.”  She picked up a pillow from the ground, chucking it at him, making them both laugh.</i>
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  <i>
    <i>“I sleep with you once and suddenly you turn into a 16-year-old boy; who are you, and what have you done with stone cold agent Ressler?” </i>
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  <i>
    <i>“I’m just teasinggg.  But I mean can you blame me? Look at you.”  His words made her cheeks turn bright red.  She tried to think of a witty comeback, but she was flustered and rolled her eyes instead, her cheeks only becoming more flushed. </i>
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    <i>“Shut up.”  He laughed in response. Things had been so serious between them lately; he had been so serious.  She missed this side of him so much; the joking, happy, smiley Ressler who always made her feel better, the side of him that for whatever reason he tried so desperately to hide. She wanted more of it, more time with him.  She looked down at her clothes in her hand then back up at him, but he had laid back covering his eyes with a pillow.   </i>
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    <i>“I’m not looking.” He said with a smile. She giggled softly and turned away from him, pulling on her jeans.  She slipped his shirt off her shoulders, throwing it at him before pulling on her bra. </i>
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    <i>“Oh, you’re just evil.”  She smiled more as she pulled her shirt over her head.</i>
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</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“mm okay I’m clothed now, you can look.”  She picked up a stray sock from the ground and pulled it on, waiting for some smartass remark from him but it didn’t come.  She looked over her shoulder at him to see the furrow in his brows had returned, chewing his bottom lip like he always did when he was thinking.  She knew what he was thinking, what they were both thinking; they were running out of time.  She looked around for her other sock, kneeling on the floor to look under the bed.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You know how this ends.”  He suddenly broke the silence.  It was the conversation they had been avoiding, the one about how he would have to come after her again, how she would be on the run again. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I can’t find my sock.”  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“We’re gonna try to stop you.”  She swallowed back the lump in her throat, continuing to avoid the topic. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“It’s purple with little unicorns on it.”  She sat on the bed beside him, showing the one she was wearing.  She smiled, “Agnes thinks unicorns are good luck…” She looked over her shoulder at him; he chewed his lip looking at her, his gaze soft, sad.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Unicorn socks to protect against Reddington?”  He raised his eyebrows a little, his mouth forming his sad frown.  She sighed a little, turning to face him.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You got any better ideas?”  She met his eyes, big mistake.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Yeah, don’t go after him.”  His voice had gone so soft she barely recognized it.  Begging her to stay, to not make him go after her again.  It broke her heart.  She smiled sadly as he felt around under the covers before pulling up his hand, holding her sock.  She held onto his hand squeezing it as she met his eyes again.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Thanks for letting me stay.” She breathed out, barely above a whisper.  She could tell he had more to say, but instead he bit his tongue, gave her a small smile, and nodded.  She and leaned in to kiss him, but he stopped her gently. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You should probably get going.”  She swallowed back the lump forming in her throat.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ress…” He looked down shaking his head.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I promised you that I wouldn’t try to take you in.  But the more I think about you running off into danger, the more I wanna do that, so you should go before I change my mind.”   </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Ressler don’t do this.”  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“No you don’t do this Liz.”  Finally, he looked at her, and even though he tried to hide it, she could see the tears in his eyes too.  “Don’t go.  Please, don’t make me come after you again. Don’t put yourself in the middle of a war with Reddington.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I have to.” She choked on her last word, as the tears began to spill down her face. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Then go.” She sniffled staring at him, his words stinging her chest, his tone now harsh, cold.  He sighed shaking his head.  “Just go Keen.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I-I, I don’t wanna end it like this.”  She pulled up his chin gently.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“End what? What the hell even is this?”  She rubbed his cheek, but he pushed her hand away.  “What does any of this mean?” She shrugged in defeat, her mouth open, but wordless.   He sighed again, pulling away from her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I don’t know, I--Ressler I just know that I care about you and—” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Do you?  Or do you just need someone on the inside to help you? Someone you can use? Someone you know damn well will do anything for you.”  His words stung, no they burned.  They burned holes through her chest, stabbing at her heart.  As he watched her lip tremble, his anger quickly began to fade.  He was pissed that she was doing this to him again; angry that she was putting him in this position.  But more than anything he was mad at himself.  Mad that he couldn’t stop her; that this time he couldn’t pull her back from the sea, that he couldn’t save her from herself.  He didn’t regret what had happened the night before, but he hated how much harder it made this, and he hated himself for blaming her.  The small sob that finally escaped her lips stung his own heart, like a thousand needles of guilt. God he really hated seeing her cry. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“That’s not fair. That’s not true and you know it.” Her voice was small, and she pushed her fist against his chest gently before she got up from his bed.  She wiped furiously at her cheeks as she searched for her coat and purse.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Keen wait.” She heard him getting up, pulling on pants, but ignored him as she marched out of his bedroom.  He was the last person on her side.  She understood why everyone was mad at her, she did, but for some reason she didn’t expect him to give up on her.  She never thought she would lose him too.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Liz” His voice was closer.  Her tears continued to cloud her vision as she got to his front door, pulling on her shoes. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Elizabeth.”  She felt two hands grab her arms gently, turning her around to face him as she stared determinedly at the floor. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“What?” she snapped, though her voice came out much softer than she wanted</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said what I said.”</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Don’t be.  You’re completely right, that’s definitely why I slept with you.”  The bitterness of her words, the true pain in them, washed him in another wave of guilt.  He sighed, as he now pulled up her face.  “I mean is that it? Is that seriously why you think I came here last night?  I haven’t been completely honest with you, and I know I messed up bad, but do you honestly think that’s what all this is?  Just to use you?”  he shook his head, rubbing her cheek gently but she pulled back a little. “No, I wanna know.  I thought this had been going on long before everything but happened, but was that all it was to you?  Was it just sex?  Because for me it was a whole lot more and I thought you knew that, I thought you felt that too.”   His hand was still caressing her cheek, and he took the opportunity to pull her face to his until their lips met.  She instantly reciprocated, wrapping her arms around his torso as he cupped her cheeks.  Everything about him was comforting.  She always laughed at the people who argued that home isn’t a place, it’s a person; it was just too cheesy for her.  But with him it finally made sense, he made sense.  Despite everything that was happening, in this moment, with him, she felt okay, she felt….home.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I love you.”  He breathed.  “Of course it meant a lot more to me than just sex, I shouldn’t have said that, I’m sorry.  I know you, and I know you wouldn’t do that.”  She leaned into his hand, closing her eyes.  “I was upset.  I just,” he sighed.  “I don’t want to lose you, and I definitely don’t want to come after you again.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I can’t live like this anymore. It’s not just because he killed my mother, it’s everything.  If I don’t end this, I’m going to go crazy, it’s going to consume me. I know you don’t understand it, but I have to do this.  I need it to end.  Besides, even if I wanted to stop I can’t now, you know that.  I’m in too deep, there’s people after me and they’re going to hunt me down just like my mother unless I can prove Red is N-13.”  She pulled away peering up at him, into the light blue hue of his eyes that contrasted the darker blue of hers.  She shook her head sniffling as he reached down to wipe a stray tear from her cheek.  “I can’t do this anymore Ress.”  He sighed nodding, he understood.  He didn’t entirely, but for eight years he watched be lied to and manipulated, and he understood; this was her breaking point.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Just promise that after all this, you’ll still be you.  You have to do this I know, but don’t let him make you lose yourself to do it.  He’s not worth it Liz.”  She smiled the smallest smile and nodded.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I promise.”  He nodded, pausing a moment before he spoke. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“And us?”  She leaned up, placing a soft kiss on his lips.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I meant what I said about you, about how I feel about you.  And I don’t know what’s going to happen, or how the hell this is all gonna end but….when, if, it does and if you know…I’m not in prison,” They both chuckled a little as she reached her hand to his cheek, rubbing her thumb along his features gently, as if trying to memorize his face.  “If I’m not in prison and if you still don’t hate me, then maybe we can…I don’t know.  I don’t know what all this means, I just know feel a lot of things for you, and in more than just ‘he’s my pretty friend I work with’ crush kind of way.  In the three words I’m really scared to say again way.”  She bit her lip as he continued to stare in her eyes.  There were so many things he wanted to say, but somehow none of them felt right, or enough.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I won’t give up on you Keen. You got me, I’m on your side.”  She nodded and they both smiled.  </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I gotta go.”  She whispered.  He nodded pulling her tightly into his chest to hug her.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“You’re smart, just stay safe okay?”  He murmured. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“I will.”  They pulled away, looking at each other one last time.  For a moment time stood still.  Everything in her body was screaming at her to stay; he was the only person she felt herself around anymore, who she fully trusted, and who made her feel safe.  When she was with him it was like everything else went away, or at least didn’t matter as much because they always figured it out. When it was the two of them, everything ended up okay.  But she knew he couldn’t help her, not this time.  She would have to cross lines and she loved him too much to drag him along, to ruin his life too.  “I’m sorry Ressler, for everything.”  He shook his head.</i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Don’t.  You deserve to be happy Liz, to not be controlled by him.” </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Just try not to hate me too much.” Her lip trembled again and gently he cupped her cheeks, leaning down to kiss her forehead. </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>“Never.”  He rubbed her cheek with his thumb as they both stood frozen, terrified to look away from each other, the same unspeakable thought echoing in both of their minds. <i> What if this was the last time? <i></i></i></i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Bye knucklehead.” She whispered.  </i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>“Bye Keen.”  And with her last ounce of willpower, she pulled herself from his embrace, refusing to look at him again as she grabbed her things leaving, and finally, the tears fell at the close of the door behind her.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p><p>
  <i>
    <i>
      <i>
        <i>She had severed the hardest tie, the last of those who loved her.  She had done it all herself, and willingly this time too, and yet she still couldn’t believe she was here, again.</i>
      </i>
    </i>
  </i>
</p>
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